Life Choices

Lately, I feel like my life is passing me by and I am missing it.
Five years ago it seemed like life was full of possibilities and adventures.
My heart feels so restless, discontented, and lacking complete peace.

How do I get to the point where I wake up every morning and say,
"This is the day that the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it," ?

the good, the bad, and the complicated

Lately, my answer to everything seems to be, " I dunno." There are some really cool things going on in our lives but in opposite balance some tough decisions too. I have been recently criticized by those close to me that I am too negative. I hate to admit it but I feel that way a lot. Perhaps because I feel like I lack direction with my life right now. Not quite sure what needs to happen for it to change. Either way...



The good:

Clayton is being appointed at Beular (sp?) camp and retreat center. We get to live in the parsonage and it has four bedrooms! I cried when we walked in because I have never lived in anything so large since we got married almost two and a half years ago. It is so beautiful out in Amherst! I cant wait to see the stars at night! I have been offered a part time position at Linkhorne Middle School and have a meeting with the principal on Thursday. I have a job interview for a secretarial position at E.C. Glass tomorrow! Please pray! God is providing for us in a mighty way. I know in the deepest part of my heart this is Him working.

The bad:

We have to move. Please don't criticize me for feeling this way. Since we got married, this makes my fourth move in less than 2.5 years. I moved from Tennessee to Nevada, three months later into a new apartment in Vegas, a year later to Lynchburg, and now to Amherst. I really hate moving because something always gets broken and things you care about get lost. I still can not find the painting that Clayton and I bought on our honeymoon and we moved over a year ago!

The complicated:

I don't know what I am doing with my life. The idea of starting over at a new school for the third year in a row makes my stomach twist into pretzel knots. It means starting from the beginning all over again. With Clayton pastoring a church, I fear that too much change will put a strain on us. The position is only part time at this point, so it does not include benefits, but it leaves room for going back to school. Yet, on the flip side, it means just getting by still. If they offer a full time position I have a difficult choice to make. The full time position would mean paying off our car and other misc. items. Do I continue to work in a job that do not find satisfying so that we can have financial security? I know that I can not handle a full time teaching job and school. Does this mean that I should postpone school again? If I am putting school off again and starting another teaching job, does that mean we put off having kids another year?

One thing I am for sure about is that God is good, He is not bad, and He only seems complicated to my finite mind. If God is good then I guess He is the one to talk to!

An Appointment!

No... I am not talking about a trip to the Doctor's office but a placement for Clayton. At the present moment I am not allowed to say where but we will be moving in June. We are really excited. Its been a bit of a rough year with losing my job and the craziness that we have had with our landlord but its funny to see how God was preparing us for this! As a result of all of the hassels with our property managment company, our lease ran out while we did not have a company and by the time we had a new one I had found out that I was losing my job. So, we didnt sign a new lease and it will mean that we will not be breakind lease when we move!
I have always said that I did not want to live in a manse/pastor's home/parsonage because the idea that I am living in someone else's space freaks me out a bit. God needed to bring me to a point that I was ok with it...which basically means that we need to live in the parsonage.
God is SO good! Its been really hard to say that things will be ok, that God is taking care of us. But, it has been true all along. God takes care of us...all He asks is that we trust him to do that.