Life Choices

Lately, I feel like my life is passing me by and I am missing it.
Five years ago it seemed like life was full of possibilities and adventures.
My heart feels so restless, discontented, and lacking complete peace.

How do I get to the point where I wake up every morning and say,
"This is the day that the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it," ?

the good, the bad, and the complicated

Lately, my answer to everything seems to be, " I dunno." There are some really cool things going on in our lives but in opposite balance some tough decisions too. I have been recently criticized by those close to me that I am too negative. I hate to admit it but I feel that way a lot. Perhaps because I feel like I lack direction with my life right now. Not quite sure what needs to happen for it to change. Either way...



The good:

Clayton is being appointed at Beular (sp?) camp and retreat center. We get to live in the parsonage and it has four bedrooms! I cried when we walked in because I have never lived in anything so large since we got married almost two and a half years ago. It is so beautiful out in Amherst! I cant wait to see the stars at night! I have been offered a part time position at Linkhorne Middle School and have a meeting with the principal on Thursday. I have a job interview for a secretarial position at E.C. Glass tomorrow! Please pray! God is providing for us in a mighty way. I know in the deepest part of my heart this is Him working.

The bad:

We have to move. Please don't criticize me for feeling this way. Since we got married, this makes my fourth move in less than 2.5 years. I moved from Tennessee to Nevada, three months later into a new apartment in Vegas, a year later to Lynchburg, and now to Amherst. I really hate moving because something always gets broken and things you care about get lost. I still can not find the painting that Clayton and I bought on our honeymoon and we moved over a year ago!

The complicated:

I don't know what I am doing with my life. The idea of starting over at a new school for the third year in a row makes my stomach twist into pretzel knots. It means starting from the beginning all over again. With Clayton pastoring a church, I fear that too much change will put a strain on us. The position is only part time at this point, so it does not include benefits, but it leaves room for going back to school. Yet, on the flip side, it means just getting by still. If they offer a full time position I have a difficult choice to make. The full time position would mean paying off our car and other misc. items. Do I continue to work in a job that do not find satisfying so that we can have financial security? I know that I can not handle a full time teaching job and school. Does this mean that I should postpone school again? If I am putting school off again and starting another teaching job, does that mean we put off having kids another year?

One thing I am for sure about is that God is good, He is not bad, and He only seems complicated to my finite mind. If God is good then I guess He is the one to talk to!

An Appointment!

No... I am not talking about a trip to the Doctor's office but a placement for Clayton. At the present moment I am not allowed to say where but we will be moving in June. We are really excited. Its been a bit of a rough year with losing my job and the craziness that we have had with our landlord but its funny to see how God was preparing us for this! As a result of all of the hassels with our property managment company, our lease ran out while we did not have a company and by the time we had a new one I had found out that I was losing my job. So, we didnt sign a new lease and it will mean that we will not be breakind lease when we move!
I have always said that I did not want to live in a manse/pastor's home/parsonage because the idea that I am living in someone else's space freaks me out a bit. God needed to bring me to a point that I was ok with it...which basically means that we need to live in the parsonage.
God is SO good! Its been really hard to say that things will be ok, that God is taking care of us. But, it has been true all along. God takes care of us...all He asks is that we trust him to do that.

Answered Prayer

It seems that God answered some really big prayers today. We will know for sure if God is answering May 5th. Please continue to pray for us. I am still going to be without a job in June.

We trust Him. God never fails.

Roanoke and Smith Mt. Lake

Today was a very nice day. Dawn and I met up and went to Richmond together. We spent the midday downtown walking around looking at street vendors and their goods. I really enjoyed getting to know her better. We ate lunch at a little place that served the best pizza. It was like brushetta but with mozzarella. I m not usually a tomatoes person but I am glad that I went outside my box and tried something different. We also get icecream from this vendor who was using the old crank. There is nothing like homemade icecream. I saw some really cute flip flops at a boutique that had interchangable flaps but they were $50 and that is just way too much money for a pair of flip flops! Dawn and I caught up to Clayton and Troy and we went to Smit Mt. Lake, the first time for Clayton and I. It was beautiful. They actually have a putt putt course that extends out over the lake. I hope that sometime we can go back and play at the course but it was a little too much and so it needs to be a planned event!

On another fun note, I got an Iphone and I love it! Clayton was having problems with is phone and he sent it back and they sent him a replacement phone. Then they sent his original phone back to him saying that it was damamge they could not fix and they were going to charge him for the other phone but Clayton talked to a really nice lady named Sarah (no kidding) and she said that we could keep the old phone and the new one, but that his waranty was cancelled. So.... I got a new phone... for FREE! Now, isnt that cool?!

Keep praying for us.... everything is riding on next week! May God be gracious!

It finally hit 80!

The weather has been really funny lately for mid April. We have has a string of fairly cold days, with highs in the mid 50s. Today, it finally looks like spring is here to stay and summer is on its way since the high is in the 80s!

Spring Break has been nice. The list of things I have done is short, lazy, and sweet! Finished Keri's baby presents, slept, watched all of Season 5 of Dawson's Creek, slept, played Scrabble, slept, and am now cleaning the house. I think I needed a few days of nothing. Its been really nice! I just try not to think about research papers!

There is a lot riding on the next few weeks! Please, please pray for us! May God make his will known!

Muddy Easter

Today is Easter! Growing up my mom used to say, "He is Risen!" We answered back, "He is Risen Indeed!" As a kid I always felt awkward saying this but as I get older I understand the need and hope that fills these words.

These last few weeks have been difficult for Clayton and I. Two weeks ago this past Monday, I found out that I was going to lose my job. It's been frustrating trying to get through the past few weeks, feeling like work is a little pointless. Clayton went for his ordination meeting this past Tuesday. He is also feeling similar frustration since the DCOM (District Committee on Ordained Ministry) informed him that he missed a step in the process and now he has to wait a month. What was really frustrating is that he did not know this until the meeting.
All of this leading up to Easter Sunday...

We went to regular service at the 9:45 and then slipped out a little early to go to Timberlake East for their new opening. Tom had a really good message. He talked about mud and how in New England they consider it another season, the season between Winter and Spring. He went on the say that sometimes our lives are stuck in the mud. We are somewhere between the darkness of winter and the newness of spring. I feel like that right now. What really stuck out to me was the his third point, that even in mud there is purpose. That God does not give us times of mud for mud's sake but to help someone else who may go through this situation.
It was really encouraging to me to hear that these rough times have purpose and God is just not allowing it arbitrarily.

So we had a "Muddy" Easter Sunday.
Then we played croquet!